Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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