The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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