I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
