I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if only i could text you this smell
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
