A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
