I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
