I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
