May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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