so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize