You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
