I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize