It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
