I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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