Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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