So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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