90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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