Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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