That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
