Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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