I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize