apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need a sexual gate keeper
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
