it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
