I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
kristin has been a bad kristin
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
