I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can I color on your dick again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
