yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
