I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
