Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I didn't notice because vodka
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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