Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
