why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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