Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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