i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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