tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
