ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
