I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
