Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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