my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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