If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize