I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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