sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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