Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
