I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
