Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
