woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
