I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Randomize
