I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
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