he shaved USA in his pubs
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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