trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
