I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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