I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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