I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
