In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
