You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
