i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
