They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
