there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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