I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
