9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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