peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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