i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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