I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
