Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
