Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
