If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
