my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize