I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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