Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
