I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
