Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
