yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
