get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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