You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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