I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
