my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
