if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
