matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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