I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
