Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
