if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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