We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
