I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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