I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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