The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
