you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
