either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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