at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
