dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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