whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
