i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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