i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
