I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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