the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
