I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
