i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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