Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
