just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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