The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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