Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
