My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
