idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I just sharted jello shots
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