he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
