After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
