did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
