Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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