Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
