I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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